It's Lindsay

New Blog.

2011-10-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

I've moved here...

Life by death.

2011-09-22T11:25:00.000-07:00

Fear.

Knowing pain is coming.

Knowing he must face this pain.

In order to bring life.

He was created for this.

It is his despair and joy.

The breath taken from his lips as another nail dug in.

The sweat rolling down his face.

The uncomfort of it.

The final pain.

The final second.

The final breath.

Death.

Fear.

Knowing pain is coming.

Knowing she must face this pain.

In order to bring life.

She was created for this.

It is her despair and joy.

The breath taken from her lips as another contraction dug in.

The sweat rolling down her face.

The uncomort of it.

The final pain.

The final second.

The first breath.

Life.

I have so many questions and it seems the more I ask the more get added… my mind might break the scale if it was weighed.

2011-07-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

‘It feels like yesterday’ is probably one of my least favorite sentences. I know how legitimate of a feeling it is and I understand, I really do. I just don’t like how often it’s used. I wish I had different wording but... alas, I am experiencing it feels like yesterday. The freshness, the beginning; and having it feel so close that you can’t imagine months or years having gone by. A strong remembrance, the time stopping kind. The sorta wish I were back there kind. The can’t believe it’s now kind.

I’m not sure what your ‘it’ is but I bet that you can identify with me.

Time freaks me out. Things change as it goes on, it doesn’t end or stop. You can’t get more after it leaves but the supply is everlasting. And you’re going forward in it… it’s there… but you cant touch, change, move or control it. In fact, it does those things to you… (how unfair!)

I don’t want things to feel over or far away… or from yesterday. But every time the sun disappears so do the things it shone light on. Only memories now. Only thoughts and words and pictures. I can only live for this. day. now. And the way I choose to live this day now will in every way effect tomorrow when it becomes my today… and soon today will be gone forever.

I'm sorry, I may be rambling, but... this is just blowing my mind.

I avoided him on principle: he enjoyed everything I disapproved of, and disliked my ingenuous diversions.

2011-06-11T22:34:00.000-07:00

Winter for a bit. Chilly toes and fingers. Hot water bottles are genius. Thankful for the purchase of several scarves while living in summer places. Enjoying a bit of in between time in Wollongong, Australia with Ash before returning home.

Currently: Charging ipod, printing maps, throwin some stuff in a bag. Got ma sweats and a hoodie and we're off to Brisbane in a few hours. This afternoon I tried out driving on the left side of the road - messes with my head a wee bit but after some practice it's not so bad! Ladies and gentleman it is time for a road trip.

Ya know the times you can feel your heart beating in completely random places in your body? This happened to me as I was reading in bed the other day; my head was leaning against the pillow, knees bent, left leg over the right, bobbing up and down. I stopped the bobbing and there it was, my heart beat all the way down in my leg… pulse creating the slightest movement. Then there are headache times. Throbbing, pulsating explosions. Heart meets head in pain and confrontation, the reminder of life in the midst of hurting.
As little girls my sister and I would lay in bed and take turns putting our ear to the other’s stomach, as she would wiggle it, right after drinking a full glass of water. We’d listen to the weird noises the liquid made in our insides. When our bellies could handle no more we would exchange giggles for the last time and drift off to sleep; but just before I could hold my eyelids open one second longer I could feel the beating of my heart deep in my belly and see the movement of the thump come all the way to my skin. And right now if you get up and do 10 jumping jacks or pushups or run around the room 5 times, sit down, hold your breath and be still… you can feel and almost hear your own heart beating.
It's like our bodies are reminding us all the time, 'FEEL HOW ALIVE YOU ARE... don't forget.'
We were created for life - beautiful life. After seeing the beginning of so many I cannot deny this thing inside of me that reaches to such fullness at realizing the intense value of every life. And what it really means to be 'delivered.' Yes delivered, as in at the moment of every baby's entrance into the world, but later too, when the baby isn't a baby anymore.
We are all twice delivered. We just have to choose the second one.

‘Lullaby for the baby king.’

2011-05-23T05:11:00.000-07:00

Each time she talks about Jed another piece of the sketch in my mind is shaded in. Slowly, over this year, her words have allowed me to create the outline and another bit is added each time a new sentence about him hits my ears. I’ll never fully understand but today hearing Louise sing the song she wrote made something inside of me break. And tears came. Despite all the hell I’ve seen at Modern Government Maternity Hospital, my tear ducts have been dammed these past weeks… it felt so good when the drops dripped down my cheeks as I blinked. A song about what it would be like to be at the birth of Jesus, she was to perform for the Mongolian church on Christmas day sixteen years ago. She hadn’t though. The reason is because on Christmas Eve morning her seven-month-old baby boy stopped breathing. Jedediah died, the reason unknown. This was the first time she sang the song since. Honored to know such a woman.

India? Are you there?

2011-05-01T05:33:00.001-07:00

It’s given me perspective and strength, fear has. I find beauty in running and pushing and giving out of a tad bit of fear. If there’s no fear then I can’t learn to trust. If there’s no fear then it’s all too easy. If there’s no fear then you can’t change me. And I’m desperate for change; I’m to that point. These lows, these valleys have taught me to be desperate and for that I am thankful.

I find it hard to write about what I am living now. Be patient with me.. someday soon I will tell of India's wonders and challenges. The way it opened me and made me see life differently. I'm finding it difficult to put my experiences into words... there's just so much. I will find a way, I'm confident of that, because I'm determined not to loose this - but the search, this time, will take a different kind of effort. It's easy to write about the lovely, nice things that I see but there is also the stench of death that lingers and that has effected me differently here. Turning inward, becoming numb, realizing that's not okay. I'm in the process of allowing my spirits blood circulation to get going again.

The heart.

2011-04-09T06:31:00.000-07:00

Pumping, pumping blood. It’s different to see than to hear. Hearing has been the dominant sense that has passed the message to my brain that there is, in fact, a living human inside of this woman; but today the eye saw what the ear has heard all these months. Ultrasound. The ear and eye now have a little glimpse, or listen, if you will, into the others job as a body part.

It’s odd sometimes to be able to actually see the heart pounding through a freshly born baby’s chest, as if it’s going to pop through the skin and continue pumping down the ward hallway and out of the door. So full of life and feeling that it just cannot wait until it grows up to see the world!

When all of a sudden there is a baby in my hands, I have to think - how did it ever fit in there?! Maybe as soon as the body is fully out, in that first instant, it grows the slightest measure and that is what fools the eye, cause you can’t see it growing that itty bit but you KNOW it couldn’t have fit in there only a second ago. Yea, I’m convinced that’s what happens. It’s continually mind blowing.

Some favs from Tanzania..

2011-03-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

Capturing smiles...

Labor room shoes? check. Pockets bulging? check. Ready for a day at Temeke.

Line em up!

Stella Arien - Born on my brothers birthday, February 18th! My 14th delivery.

The magic of Zanzibar:

The last little love that I delivered in Tanzania, Leanna Sunshine - March 11th, 2010, my 18th delivery. Quite an eventful birth. Ask for the details if you dare!

Heading off to India with this bunch of crazies!

RANDOM BRAIN.

2011-03-12T06:35:00.000-08:00

Current Listen - Skeleton Bones by John Mark McMillan.

Current Read - The Tale of Desperaux by Kate Dicamillo.

I traveled to Zanzibar last week. In this new place I saw many bikes begging to be ridden, many doors longing to be walked through. I had visions of riding one of the bikes through one of the doors… and ending up in another world or outer space or something cool like that. Then I thought of the scene from The Wizard of Oz when the crazy neighbor lady is riding her bike with the basket on the back and laughing creepishly, threatening to take Toto. She’ll never get her hands on Toto, Aunty Em wouldn’t let it happen.

The geckos that chill out on the walls are pretty cute. Today I saw maybe the smallest one in existence; I think he must have been just born. His eyes were humongous and he ran away before I could catch him. I think it would be sort of fun to have a tail and be able to blend into the color of the thing I was sitting on right then, but I wonder if geckos feel sad that they get overlooked as something else. I’m sure they’re grateful for their gift, though. Or maybe they have to learn to be grateful, just like us. It’s possible that most are quite happy but there’s a special one who really wishes he could be seen or heard. He’s probably got great ideas and adventurous tendencies and is a disgrace to the gecko community. That’s usually how the story goes… I have no doubts that he will find his way in this wide world.

I’ve had a few revelations in the past couple of weeks. One of them is about the capacity of the mind; maybe cause I’m reading The Lord of the Rings and once every few chapters I stop and remember that Middle Earth doesn’t exist. J.R.R. Tolkien brought life to an entire world, whole people groups and languages, full history of their existence and lineage. There are actual history books written about middle earth, maps and movies, all about a place that physically does not exist. In these moments I give huge props to God for doing it for real, creating stuff from nothing. It’s one of my favorite things about this God, this lover. The creativity behind it all… gives me the urge to create.

Today I caught a baby girl and named her Juniper. Cord around the neck once, slipped that sucker over the shoulders as the body came out. Jun gave a nice big cry at about 2 minutes. Asante Mungu na karibu kidogo wakike! Thank you God and welcome little girl!

Last few days in Tanzania, Africa. Doing the usual ya know? Saying goodbye, preparing for the next thing, packing. Searching for a way to correctly remember the experiences I’ve had, soaking in the lasts of everything. My eyes have shed many tears for this place and the people in it over the past six months; tears of anger, love, injustice, honor. I feel them coming now… the investment, the exposure, allowing myself to be changed by it all, wanting so badly to understand. And then understanding, slowly so slowly understanding. Just beginning to. Feeling a little bit right in a place so completely different than I have ever known. We had a rough start, Africa, but could you believe me when I say I’ve fallen in love with you?

Adventure - An unusual and exciting, typically hazardous experience or activity.

2011-02-17T04:30:00.000-08:00

“She heard drawers shutting and opening, doors creaking, and boxes being pulled out from under beds. “What are they doing?” she wondered. “What will happen next?” Very still she lay in her soft little bed with her familiar belongings about her: her postage stamp view of Rio harbor; her silver pig off a charm bracelet; her turquoise ring, which sometimes, for fun, she would wear as a crown, and, dearest of all, her floating ladies with the golden trumpets, tooting above their peaceful town. She did not want to loose these, she realized suddenly, lying there straight and still in bed, but to have all the other things as well, adventure and safety mixed --- that’s what she wanted. And that (the restless banging’s and whisperings told her) is just what you couldn’t do.” -The Borrowers

I’m learning about risks; they involve possibly loosing in some way… but could cause other things to be gained as well. Maybe things unseen? Just maybe. And fear… and what it looks like to give that up and just jump. There are moments where I want, desperately, for adventure and safety to be one in the same. I wish they understood each other and maybe tried to work together. But mostly I just want to live bigger and I see that in order to live to the fullness that I was created for… I must risk. I don’t exactly know what that looks like with some things but I do know that adventure is what I seek. I want to learn from everything I see! I don’t want to shut out what’s right in front of me. Africa, teach me. India, show me. Australia, open my eyes! Help me become a better Lindsay…

I’m so in love with life.

ANC

2011-01-20T04:34:00.000-08:00

Antenatal Care.

Took lots of blood pressures, pulses, temperatures and respirations today. Listened to many fetal heartbeats. Practiced my Kiswahili.

I did a palpation (feeling mama’s belly for the position and lie of the baby) on Zelma Selemani and the baby kicked back! I felt the head and it was ballotteable (moved/wiggled back and forth between the pressure of my thumb and fingers guiding it side to side.) Either baby didn’t appreciate being moved around or he just wanted to say ‘Hey Mzungu!’ (white person). Palpating bellies is one of my favorite things about antenatal care. Usually the baby doesn’t kick back – but this little guy was energetic!

Then there was Miriam Saidi. She was PRE-CIOUS. It didn’t seem like she was in labor at all cause she just kept smiling at me so hugely. I think maybe because I was talking to her in Kiswahili. Tanzanians get a kick out of mzungu’s practicing their language. “Jina lango Lindsay, na toka Americani. Wewe na mtoto nzuri sana Miriam!” (My name is Lindsay, I’m from America. You and your baby are doing very well Miriam!)

Nuru Mohamedi was feeling kazungu zungu (dizzy) and she let me massage her lower back… I asked if I could pray for her and knew she didn’t know what I said, but I think she understood when I put my hand on her belly and closed my eyes to speak out life. I saw her yesterday as well. I sat with her for a while and helped her through contractions and filled out her partograph. Hoping for a good delivery and that I wont see her tomorrow because that will mean she’ll have been there for almost four days! Baby come soon!

Salma Juma had some major swelling of the legs and feet going on. She could hardly walk. I wheeled her down to ultra sound so they could get a further look because she wasn’t having labor pains but she was having serious leg pain. The hospital rarely does ultra sounds for pregnant mama’s because it’s expensive so this was my first time going. The ultra sound tech. proposed to me… about a monthly occurrence for your average white girl here. “Um haha, no thanks – haven’t even known you a whole minute. It works a little differently in America, buddy.” Made for some fun conversation. Wheeled Salma back and tried to make her comfortable on a bed she had to share with another woman. Again – praying for a good delivery and recovery for Salma.

These are four women out of the twenty or so that I see every day in the 4 hours of being in the hospital. Sometimes it’s overwhelming with the lack of resources. I don’t know where to find more staff to work or how to get enough oxytocin and cord clamps so the moms don’t have to bring their own… but I do know how to be with one woman at a time and try my best to give her proper care and value in that moment.

Next week I’m in the labor ward where all the action is. But I’m realizing there is so much more to this than simply catching babies…

Works produced by faith.

Labor prompted by love.

Endurance inspired by hope.

1 Thess. Ch.1 v.3

one week.

2010-12-31T19:33:00.000-08:00

a cold week.

a scarf and winter coat week.

a wedding week.

one whole week that i slept in a big fluffy bed and ate lots of delicious things and saw my people. and then on one of the days, the thursday actually, my best friend got married. and that is really the whole point of the cold, scarf, winter coat, wedding week. i loved it. congratulations sarah and cub! best friend weddings are the greatest kind of weddings. it went entirely too fast and a week is rarely enough but sometimes it's all that's there. im thankful for it.

my nights and days are basically back to normal... cept i leave tomorrow and they'll get all out of order again. but it's totally worth it. staying up late with tons of energy makes me feel... super-human. like a vampire or something. hah. i thought of twilight... how sick.

today i went to walmart for some last minute stuff before my flight tomorrow. i needed tooth paste; so i went to the tooth paste aisle. i've been there so many times before but this time i seriously despised it. why does there have to be so many? i was so overwhelmed! i didn't even know where to start... i was lost in a sea of tooth paste. in that moment i had a really hard time with the fact that my culture lives and moves and breathes surrounded by excess and plenty and often times too much. i mean... having a choice between which tooth paste you want is fine, nothing wrong with that. but think about it - it's someone's job to come up with a cooler more attractive toothpaste that you and i will buy. how does that help the world? seriously people TOOTH PASTE! if you're in the tooth paste business you should feel shame right now...

just kidding. thats not my point. maybe when i come home to America and her ways ill see the art in getting to chose the right most perfect tooth paste... but right now it just seems a little unnecessary.

i'm ready for the simplicity of Tanzania. and i anticipate the newness of india. six months is about to happen. its just me and my back pack again; if it doesn't fit it doesn't come. and we shall begin anew...

more to come soon.

Beginnings.

2010-12-10T12:25:00.000-08:00

To my left cockroach crawling on wall. To my right clothing hanging on line strung from window bars. In front two classmates doing Pilates. Nothing worth mentioning from the back.

My world has become consumed with babies. And I find that I like it. But Tanzania has taught me this time, not America. What will happen when I return to America and her ways? I wonder what she’ll think of me.

Hospital.

Beginnings.

Could this be right?

It is right.

There were two infant deaths today. When I walked into the hospital there was a little girl wrapped up. Later there was a tiny, tiny baby boy who was came very early. Too early. It has been an odd processing journey. My first reaction is why? But I know that will never get answered so I move on to how? If that doesn’t get answered it’s on to what do I do? Where do I fit into this equation?

There is rarely proper time to do anything at the hospital, but mourning the death of a precious baby is important. I try to make space. I imagine I’m in an empty room where it’s me, Jesus and the baby. He’s holding her and tears are just coming… he can’t finish her story. He had it all planned out and only got to just finish the cover page. The inside pages will be blank. His creative father heart is denied. It’s a crude reality… this thing. Death. We were never created to handle it. We weren’t made to loose in that way. My mind can’t comprehend any of it. I hate it. But I can’t get rid of it… some days it’s all around me. Confrontation of the worst sort. Stemming from lack of… what? Prayer? Medical supplies? Timing? But that’s not fair. I just don’t understand.

And life at the same time. Healthy, breathing, thriving babies. Why this one and not that one? How can this be reality? My job is to commit little tiny brand new beings to Jesus… and now I realize that that means breathing or not breathing. Heart beat or no heart beat. God grants grace… and I cling to the hope that he hears my prayers and will breath life into the lifeless little ones. And when control is stripped away from me he grants the grace to walk into that hospital tomorrow and face another day.

“Hope is not a ball and chain that we drag around, but it is of utmost value because it carries us through the darkness and tells us that a brighter day is coming. It tells us that a brighter day is coming, not because we deserve it (we don’t!), and not because we’ve earned it (we can’t!) but because God loves us, and desires to give us that brighter day. “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full,” Jesus said. I don’t for a moment pretend to understand the darkness, or to know why the valley’s can seem so incredibly low. But this I do know. The valley is not where we are meant to stay. It is a part of the journey, but it is never our destination. And the key to getting through the valley is not to abandon hope, but to hold to it with all that we have, with prayer and fasting, with tears and crying out to God because it is God Himself that we need to encounter, it is God Himself that is our hope. Our hope is really not that our prayer will be answered, though God does that too, but our hope is that we would in clinging to hope, cling to God.” -Jerry Ireland

Scribblings from the traveling journal.

2010-11-02T01:27:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

My mind didn’t stop after the baby was born. True, everything seemed golden and wonderful and that moment… that moment when I saw Joshua was coming… I’m quite speechless, actually. His first minute on this earth, his first breath, his first gaze at his mamma, his life. Fresh and new and perfect. I wish my mind would have stopped there but it didn’t.

Today I saw more than a baby be born. I saw into the reality of a 15 year old girl. I held her hand and propped her up when she couldn’t do it alone. I locked eyes with her scared face and saw something equally as beautiful as her precious little one. I saw Jesus. I felt his love for her as I stood there wishing so badly to do anything to help take her pain away.

Who is Joshua going to be?

How long will his innocence be kept sacred?

Will he know the Lord?

Will his Mum know how to raise him?

Will she still love him even though someday he won’t seem as precious as a newborn baby?

Will Joshua ever be able to call a man father?

There is so much more to this than I thought. I was just coming to simply deliver babies right?

A day with a midwife.

2010-09-06T01:41:00.000-07:00

a day with a midwife from Richard Simmons on Vimeo.

do i often answer my own questions? yes.

2010-09-01T05:06:00.000-07:00

why does life suck sometimes?

because Jesus said it would.

{James 1:2-4; 1 Peter 1:6-7}

why do i have to sacrifice sometimes?

because Jesus sacrificed everything so i could have life.

why am i surprised when things are hard?

because the world tells me that everything should be easy.

why do i choose to believe the world?

because i have an enemy who is subtle.

but he's so unoriginal.

seriously man.. i can see you comin from a mile away.

God is stronger.

do i always feel this truth? no.

does that make it any less true? no.

God is more creative.

he speaks to the individual.

he loves endlessly.

i expect hard things to happen.

does it make it any easier when they do? not much.

can i trust in a faithful God? mhm.

clinging to this truth.

this inspires me.

2010-08-22T05:36:00.000-07:00

Breathing deep the day..

2010-07-27T01:11:00.000-07:00

Learning. Feeling alive in it. A little bit doubtful in it. Sometimes facing the day is hard. Wondering if it will stay like this. Mmm desiring to let go of it.. To let it be a part of me. Learning to learn.

Longing for familiarity. This will become familiar soon. It's already starting. Do we get to decide what becomes familiar? I guess it's whatever we are in at the moment. I don't think wanting familiar is wrong. I just know that familiar will change for me soon. In about two months I leave for the beautiful country of Africa. And there I will experience a newness.. and that will become the new familiar. A never felt before familiar.. And in May I will be off to exciting India. And familiar will change then, too. Haha.. I really don't want to start thinking about what happens after India because I don't know. But for right now, I'm in Perth, Australia learning how to care for mother and baby. Breathing deep the day! Desiring for God to bring a familiarity of his presence. So that no matter where I am I will be familiar with his voice.. that's the kind of familiar I long for.

I like that.

2010-07-20T05:45:00.001-07:00

Do you know the feeling.. when you're in a far away place, and you look at a picture and you put yourself in that picture and not in the far away place anymore? That happens to me every time I check my email or look at pictures on facebook. I'm sitting here in the lounge.. all the way in Australia.. but when I start reading the words.. the couch I'm sitting on disappears and so do the voices going on around me.. and the ceiling and walls turn into the beautiful landscapes of Pennsylvania. I put myself right into the picture and think about what would be going on if I were right there. And then I shut the computer and realize I'm so so far away. It's always this smack of reality. Usually I'm so busy that I can only think about it for a minute or so.. but other times it really hurts. Like I physically feel the pain of being gone all over again.. I love being in the perfect will of God.. but it's hard. It doesn't always feel wonderful and great everyday. It's a challenge sometimes to remember that this is right timing. As I continue to read my bible and pray and be here learning, God reminds me of his good plans for me. He also reminds me that its ok to miss home. Hey! I'm glad for where I came from-that's a good thing. I like that.

I think I'll go home, have some tea and read The Count of Monte Cristo until I fall asleep.

Today I am a pirate.

2010-07-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

Is it ok to be obsessed with a band? Is it ok if you can’t help it? What if you’ve tried not to listen to them.. simply because for three months straight they were all you allowed your ears to hear? What if you tried this and it didn’t work? Is it ok to be obsessed then? I may have a problem if this is not ok. We are the outsiders.

Good morning New Zealand. Mmm gotta love the window seat.

2010-07-06T23:39:00.000-07:00

From my Journal dated July 1^st, 2010 – Australia bound

It started to hit me yesterday as I was getting the last of my things out of the apartment… I was walking out the door when I listened and could hear Grandpa Beiler playing his guitar from his bedroom two floors up. I had stood there many times this spring, always caught off guard.. so happy to be hearing a little bit of him. I stood there and just cried.. realizing that this would be the last time for a long time. Realizing where I came from. Last night I watched home videos with mom and dad. It was so weird… seeing myself as a one year old. Needing my parents.. having no choice but to trust them. How did they let me go? Gradually, over the years.. how did they do it? And now I’m 21 and my own person. How wonderful to have parents who Love and let go.. I guess.. loving is letting go?

July 6^th, 2010

So… I’m here. I’m in Australia. How do I find it? So great. It’s cold. I will admit.. I’m sad that I’m missing PA summer. But I’m here so I will be here all the way. Winter.. winter.. yes, Lindsay it is winter. See? Ok.. yea winter is great. The people? Such a joy to be around. Yesterday we counted and there are 26 nations represented here. I love it. I’m already working on my Australian accent! G’day Mate! How ya goin? Grab a cuppa for brekkie, no worries! J My first day of class is tomorrow. I can’t really contain my excitement. Ohh.. it’s just so good to be here. After a year of praying and hoping to come. I had my doubts about coming.. I think maybe that’s what time does sometimes. When something is so far away it doesn’t seem like its for real even if you talk about it and plan on it. But here I am and thanking God for his provision and timing. And now? I will climb into my top bunk and fall asleep to A Beautiful Exchange.

More to come soon..

thinking.

2010-04-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think too much. does anybody else do that? I mean.. I have this brain and I've learned to think - but maybe I've learned to think too much. About all the details. And it's not just cause I'm a girl.. please don't pull that card on me. I really wish I could just let go..

and the thing is I'm not sure what I need to let go of.

again.. more thoughts.

We are family.

2010-04-06T18:51:00.000-07:00

Please look at my beautiful sister. These are her senior pictures. I can't believe she's graduating from high school! The last Beiler to grace the halls of Octorara Area High.. Congrats Meg!

And here are my wonderful parents. Moving away made me so appreciate my parents. All that they do and who they are. I find myself relating to them more and more.

I now MUST take time to tell you about the Needtobreathe concert that I went to a few weeks ago. Oh man.. where do I start!? They were incredible! The cover bands were great too.. but once they started setting up for Needtobreathe the excitement really grew.. picture it with me -- the stage is dark.. they're finally set. you glance behind and see the room packed with people waiting, anticipating.. no one is on stage and you're just waiting waiting for them to walk out.. 2 minutes of nothing but darkness, and you can't picture what it will be like but you want to so bad - but as soon as it starts you know it will go so fast so you almost dont want them to walk out. You just want to stand there anticipating the first performance.. wondering what it will be like.. you hear the dull conversations going on around you and just listen and realized how much you really just can wait for.. then you see shapes appear on stage! Cheers and clapping automatically roar from the crowd and you find yourself screaming and lighting up and wanting to know them-before you even see them. No lights yet.. still darkness but know they're there.. you wait for that first drum tap or guitar strum or 1-2-3-4.. you're longing for them to start but once it starts you know there will have to be an end - you could stay in this moment forever.. just the fact that you're there and they're there.. and the first banjo strum rings out and the lights come up and you are lost in the song.. this moment has been talked about for so many weeks and now you're finally here. Ah! It's so wonderful to hear nothing but music! .. at first all you can do is just watch.. and listen.. and fall in love. Then from song to song you start singing and belting the words and dancing and.. you try to pause to take it all in - but it happens so fast. You want to take advantage of every song and not just let them roll by. You're so happy and so privileged to be there. You long to know who these people are and what drives them.. Are they really who they appear to be on stage? The energy.. where do they get it? Are they getting it from my cheers and screams and dancing? Is it saved up somewhere? Do they ever not want to walk out on that stage? Do they have a normal life? Do they know that people worship them and think they are so great? ... all i know is i didnt want that night to end. I could have danced and sang all night. Music has such an impact on me, it pulls me in and makes me see. I really really enjoy live concerts.. everything about them. The ride there.. the wait in line.. cover bands-experiencing the beginnings of their music career.. the show you've been waiting for and finding it better than you expected. The feeling of music pounding through your body.. trying desperately to find the words to describe your experience.. but realizing that there aren't any .. but thats ok because that is what makes it so personal and wonderful. When it ends.. you just want it to begin again.. rewind the night! again again! When you hear their music you'll never be the same.. you'll hear something deeper; that somehow you are now a part of. You fall in love with the music-you have no choice. It takes you away.. and leaves you with a passion for more. The music drives you and I can't explain it. You'll just have to go see for yourself.

Thoughts from a rainy day

2010-03-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

We're moved in! Me and Sarah (Red) are currently moved in to my grandmothers basement. I'm not gonna lie-it's awesome. We come in and out as we please through the cellar doors on the side of the house. We've got our own small kitchen and the space is just perfect. We're anxiously awaiting the arrival of our third room mate Sarah (Brown) who is still in China. Come home Sar!

Roomies.

What has been going on in the past two weeks?

this..

Every Tuesday we head over to Cub's house to watch LOST/hang out. Bonfires, talks around the kitchen table (as captured in the above picture), bologna sandwiches and laughter.

Picnics! This particular one was on a cold and wet day.. bad planning on Elf and my part. So-we made do at a picnic table instead of the grass. So glad we brought blankets. Again.. more bologna sandwiches :D

Barns and Noble. I got scolded for taking pictures. After a look through of all the C.S. Lewis books I decided on The Great Divorce and Sar and I headed to the kids section to read. You just gotta read there.. there is fun all around. And sitting in those small chairs makes you feel so big.

Chasing chickens. Yessssss. After a yummy meal at grandma's Meg and I went out to get the eggs from the hen house. And chickens are just so fun to chase. And its more spiteful when you've got a basket full of their eggs. Heh heh heh.

I hope the rain ends soon so I can have a real picnic and take the dogs for a walk and chase more chickens. In the mean time I will wrap myself in a blanket and read The Silver Chair.

More to come.

Home just in time for Spring.

2010-03-18T14:43:00.000-07:00

I am home, I am home, I am home. And it feels so good! But I don't want the experiences and memories of Thailand to go away so fast. Trying to adjust and prepare for the next thing.. but Thailand is still on God's heart. And mine.

So far being home has found me:

1- Catching up on this season of LOST. (soooo good)

2- Getting very bored. There is nothing going on in Amish Country! Looking forward to a consistent work schedule and helping out at my church.

3- Preparing to move into my grandparents basement with my best friend! Woo-hoo!

4- Taking my dogs on a walk each day. The weather is too lovely not to.

I enjoy waking up in my sunshiny yellow room, putting on a pot of coffee and talking to Jesus. I also enjoy driving again. But not the gas prices.

Who likes to read? Ok, cool because I have a load of books to recommend to you. Lets start with - Not For Sale by David Batstone. This book ruined me. Absolutely made me so mad.. and so sad and very angry. I love the information this book gives about the global slave trade, but yea.. the fact that this book is true, that stuff like this really happens. People! We have to do something about it! If you want to know how you can get involved in ending the global slave trade of our time, read this book. In fact, it's your responsibility to read this book. Once you do-let me know your thoughts. We can conjure up ideas together about how to save the world.

A bit of randomness~

don't these colors look wonderful together? Off-white mushroom and eggplant purple.

When you work at a produce stand you see things you never saw before :)

More to come!

2010-01-24T01:52:00.000-08:00

Hello again from Thailand!

There is such wonder and excitement here everyday. This past weekend we had the honor, the privilege to spend the night in the country. On Saturday we took a truck ride up to the mountains where, from our normal housing throught the week, can only be seen in the far distance. Oh God's glory! We went with the Pastor and his wife and our translator to cut down stalks off of the banana tree to cook in todays meal. Then we walked around his feilds marveling at the creation. It took my breath away. We visited some homes in a village and experienced the greatest hospitality. The Thail culture is simply beautiful. All they had, their best was before us. I was touched and find myself with that feeling every single day. This past week we headed to a University to have lunch with some students. After about 30 minutes of conversation (us trying desperatly to learn Thai and them giggling at our attempts) they quietly conversed together and then one of them got up and scurried away only to return with pink milk for us!! Pink milk is basically it's name, it's considered a sweet treat and sweet it is! Because it is known for being super sweet she even bought us a bottled water to go with it. Again.. my heart was touched.

I love Thailand.

One struggle for me has been the early mornings. As many of you know.. I have to consciously decide to be a nice person in the morning so.. hehehe. I'm trying so hard to wake up even earlier than expected so I can get a handle on my attitude and the day. I'm learning to be disciplined in that. It's harder also when we have late nights. I'm loving the challenge! Just not when I hear my alarm go off in the morning :).

Our friends in India have been doing wonderfully! We get weekly updates from Elby (heading up team in Thailand) who is in contact with Katie (heading up team in India). It's wonderful hearing from them and all that God is doing there.

Guys.. I love Thailand. God has opened my stubborn eyes to see a part of his creation that I would have never seen had it been my choice. I am in awe of his promises and his goodness to us. I can't wait to share all of the stories, experiences and heart changes that have been going on. Please pray for more. More of God's spirit and presence. More protection and endurance. More heart changes! More eye opening moments. Ask him to give me specifically a pure heart and gracious speech. My quiet times have been sweet.. and last week this verse in Proverbs stuck out to me "He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the King for his friend." As I meditated on this passage Gods loving words spoke to me.

He who LOVES.

Being gracious means having patience.

Love the purity of your own hear, how I've changed it. How is used to be muck but now it's pure and clean and white and has my name written on it!

The King desires relationship with you and has already considered you his friend. Now choose him! And if you choose him you choose LOVE.

Grace what a lovely thing. ~Aaron Espe

Picture Time!

We've been finishing books and passing them around. Titles include: The Tale of Desperaux, Redeeming Love, The Shack, and Black. More to recomend soon!

Baby Buddah hahahaha..

This is Lichie. It sounds so close to Lindsay that everyone just calles me Lichie and laughes :D

Our Team!

I'm in LOVE with Thailand!

God's glory:

More to come soon!

The Land of the Smiles. Thailand!

2010-01-18T00:55:00.000-08:00

A Buddist Temple

Beautiful Thailand!

Our first team breakfast!

This is Dragon Fruit.

Hello from Thailand! We are all safe and sound and have been so enjoying everything so far. We got in Friday the 9th at about 2 am! tried to get some sleep and then headed into a full day of exploring the area. The food here is GRAND, and so is walking to the market everyday for meals. There are 7/11's here! A small taste of home :)

This past Monday the 11th we started our ministry time. It's been so sweet.. I'm experiencing God like never before. This past week consisted of: Early mornings and late nights of ministry. Prayer, prayer, prayer. Walks to the market and good converstation around the table while eating. We ventured to the night market and found a star bucks, mcdonalds and haggen das along the way! Motor bikes zooming by. Quiet whispers from God. Elephants along the side of the road!! ROTEE.. a wonderful Thai dessert with fried bananas and chocolate drenched in butter. (we're all convinced we'll gain weight instead of loosing it!!) . Yummy fresh fruit. The gorgeous children that steal your heart with one look. Talking to women who are desperate for Jesus but just dont know it yet.

The heat isnt bad And guess what?! We've got hot showers! Everywhere you go western music can be heared. Today I heard Taylor Swift and Beyonce. haha. I love it here. The people are absolutely so hospitable. I'm getting used to chop sticks.

more to come!!

Oh the Wonder!

2010-01-03T18:22:00.000-08:00

Hello Readers!

As I reflect on 2009 I realize that I have lived in three different states this year. From Texas to Pennsylvania to North Carolina. And my first two month of 2010 will be spent in Thailand.. Oh the wonder! Back to 09 - I am so thankful and grateful for a GRAND year. 09, for me, was...finishing off a fun year of school and relishing the last 6 months of time spent with my family in Texas (and missing them very much). Then for 3 months, coming back to the beautiful landscape and familiar faces of PA; Staying busy and enjoying family. And the last 3 months of 09 in North Carolina, a time full of learning and a lot of newness. New people who I now call friends. A new place to live that I now find so meaningful. New experiences that will never be forgotten and that have shaped Lindsay Beiler for the better.

Here is an update of my holiday~

Christmas break was wonderful! My friends picked me up and on our travels back up to Pennsylvania we got caught in a snowstorm and had to spend the night in a hotel! We woke up to snow covering the car! When we finally got IN the car we were on our way and made it home safe and sound :). My time home was relaxing and nice. I enjoy the smells of home and the presence of family.. but I must say, I hate the goodbyes.

Just a week from today I said a sad goodbye to Lance and Megan as they departed for PA after dropping me off in NC. This week was full of craziness as ministry time started. A different schedule than the last three months for sure. No more lecture, now it's putting everything we've learned into practice! We've done everything from raking leaves around our property to helping clean at home for women who've just gotten out of jail. And tomorrow, to my excitement, we will be spending the entire day at the crisis pregnancy center! I cannot wait.

There is one thing I don't mind saying goodbye to - the cold weather! But I have a feeling I'll be saying the same thing on my last days in Thailand's 100% humidity. My team and I leave on Thursday; but for now I sit here yet again in our big dorm room with four triple bunk beds...accept two of the triple bunk beds are empty. Half of my new friends have spentt the first day of the new year in travel to India. We've heard a report back from them saying they've arrived safely and have started their adventures off right away, leaving no time for jet lag to get in the way!

The slow packing process has begun and every time I look at my big hiking back pack I get overwhelmed with the feeling of adventure and fulfillment. 2 months in Thailand?! And later this year 6 months in Australia? And then 6 months of traveling all over?! Can it get any more exciting??

I'm ready.

For Adventure.

For Thailand.

For BED.

More coming soon!

New Video Update!!

2009-11-29T11:10:00.000-08:00

Update Week 9 from Lindsay Beiler on Vimeo.

Check out Meg's blog RIGHT HERE !

hard learning.

2009-11-21T20:33:00.000-08:00

God is kind and will never push you harder than you can handle.. I'm learning to rest in this. The Lord is speaking to my specifically about some things he wants me to trust him with. Some things, lets just say, are between He and I. My first instinct is to blurt it out to my close friends or a leader.. would someone just give me some insight here! But nope.. I need to lean not on my understanding.. I need to do less talking and more trusting, resting, waiting. Not in what others have to say, not in what I have to say. In what God says. This is very hard. I don't like it. But He's here and He's good.

This past week was THE GATHERING. Cool name huh? Kind of intimidating.. A gathering of what you might ask? 200 YWAM DTSers. It was awesome. I had the previledge of Taking care of our two speakers Dave Buehring and Winkie Pratney - Such a cool job. They are seasoned men who love God and I learned a lot from them. I also got to see my cousin Tessa! O my.. our meeting was wonderful and I'm so sad it's all over! I took so much from the week.

Some cool notes from this weeks lecture (The topic was The Character and Nature of God):

Remember who lives in you.

The Lord has more intense feelings than you can even imagine. God feels so deeply. He felt the hurt you go through. Only Christ can carry the hurts of the world. He has given you a precious gift – to take what exists and rearrange it for his glory. It will be unique to you because you are unique. The gift god gave you is CHOICE. He made you a tiny, finite version of him. The stuff of God is not us it is the image of God in our lives. When we see what he made we get a little clue of what can be done. Its real! God will show you his secrets if you LOVE him.

-Winkie Pratney (From New Zealand!)

When there are mornings that you are in the word and it feels dry - it is still in you. We are too driven by what “buzzes” us. It goes beyond that. What are you doing with your quiet time? I don’t have to have a buzz to praise the Lord. Lie – “I have to have the feeling or I’m a hypocrite.” Truth – “You must go deeper because the Lord IS there.” GO DEEPER!!

In the bible hate is not the opposite of love. Selfishness is the opposite of love.

God thinks bigger, deeper and wider than us. But not alien to us.

-Dave Buehring

Today I bought watermelon flavored lip smackers lip gloss. For the first time in my 20 years of life I wished I could be a little girl again. So I did it - I walked out of the store with sparkly lips and did a little dance.

And she's off! .. My best friend is in China.

2009-11-04T15:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my best friend Sarah (brown) left for China. C H I N A ! I can't explain in words how proud I am of her. Going to China has been something that the Lord put on her adventurous heart for quite some time. To see her step out and do this is so encouraging. She doesn't have a group of people to fly with or any idea who she is going to meet when she steps off that plane. She is goin for it! It's just her and the Lord.. I'm so happy that I know her.

Sarah's been one of the few people in my life who when I'm around her makes me a better Lindsay. I've been through some crazy experiences with her. She's cried with me in other countries when the Lord spoke to me about becoming a missionary. We've driven, flown, walked, traveled the United States/World together. She's laughed with me as loud as we both possibly could over some pretty ridiculously funny things. She's gotten in trouble with me numerous times.. I'll spare the details. She's inspired me to be an artist. She's prayed with me when we both thought our worlds were crashing down. She's been mad for me when people have hurt me. She's told me when I've been stupid, arrogant, prideful, doing my best and still feeling like no one. She's shared a room with me and found out how mean of a person I become when I'm woken up in the middle of the night. She's had to put up with me when I don't give myself credit. She's loved me and let me love her. She's been there.. one of my best friends. Always will be.. can't go back now. She's mine for life.

Would you please pray for her with me? She is going to do incredibly wonderful things for the Kingdom.. but she seriously needs backup [prayer]. Pray for protection. Pray for the Holy Spirit to pour down on her. Pray for dreams and visions from the Lord. Pray specifically for people to come into her life that will challenge her. Pray for the people she will come in contact with. Pray that when she gets lonely she will look to Jesus! Just pray..

Even though we've already said our goodbyes when I left for Monroe, NC and have been separated for 6 weeks.. I feel, over again, the pain of saying goodbye. I miss her incredibly. I feel sad that I can't experience this with her but overjoyed that this is her adventure.. her time to obey God. Her time to g r o w.

I love you Sarah Maher. I will see you in 4 1/2 months and I will hug you until we both pee our pants.

It's Friday night Ya'll!

2009-10-30T17:59:00.001-07:00

What a wonderful Friday night! Ah.. i love the weekend. Friday nights here at the base are quite an event. Usually Friday nights are spent running around the Blakney House.. sliding on the wood floor, belting out any random song that comes to mind, tackling each other and laughter! And it ends with a movie! This Friday we went to Chris and Megan Vengalas house (Our YWAM staff leaders) for dinner and s'mores by the campfire! IT WAS SO FUN. The meal was out of this world.. they are great cooks! There was much fellowship and hanging out and it was awesome. No agenda.. no running around.. no meetings. Pure chillin out. I thought I would introduce you to some of my YWAM friends!

This is Brittany. She's in the WISE school. She calls me "L-Niddle" .. I can't really tell ya why but I love it. I laugh so hard when I am with her. I also answer to her for my work duty-go hospitality and house keeping team!

Hello Sarah! She's in my DTS.. We have nick named her "Giggles" for obvious reasons :). Mmm S'mores!!

Beautiful Kristen.. love this girl! She's in the WISE school also and she is in charge of what goes on at Front Porch. She's so great with those kids!

Keniazh (DTS), Cassie (DTS), Sara (DTS), Elby (WISE) and Brittany (WISE)!

Crystal, Cassie and Elby playing the haha game!

Berkeley is a part of the WISE school. She is so much fun!! You can find her at any given moment singing Regina Spektor or Queen or any worship song under the sun. We have a few inside jokes already. Right Harold? haha! In this pic she's holding Zoe, Chris and Megans oldest daughter.

And THIS is Priya. The second of Chris and Megans four daughters. I babysit them every Tuesday and I have SO much fun. Last week we had a fashion show and the week before that we pretended to be cowgirls.. amazing.

Britt, Berk, Linds, Kenz and Cassie!

This is Kenaizh and I with Heather (or Hovde as we call her. It's her last name). She's our DTS staff leader and chica we meet with on a one on one basis each week. We love Hovde!

This is only some of the girls.. I hope to get more pictures up here! I'm also working on a video that will include all of my DTS girls so you can meet them and get to know them a bit :).

more to come soon!!

My First Video Update! Week Five in YWAM-Charlotte!

2009-10-25T16:02:00.000-07:00

First Video Update! Week Five! from Lindsay Beiler on Vimeo.

2009-10-24T21:44:00.000-07:00

I just watched Pearl Harbor and literally SOBBED.

One month and it feels like forever.

2009-10-19T17:59:00.000-07:00

It's been one month since I'm living here in North Carolina being a part of YWAM Monroe. It has turned from like to love. Life is such an ADVENTURE and I am loving the challenges thus far. Well.. I can't say that I've loved all of the challenges but right now sitting on this side of the hill I feel like a conquerer with Christ and that is what I love. I can not do this life without Jesus. I need him everyday to continue. Realizing that.. like for real realizing that has been a beautiful process.

There is never an end to God! I'm so glad that he wants to give me more. As much as I want more of him he fulfills that and gives me a deeper longing only to be filled with more of him only to give me more and more and more.. etc.

It's wonderful.

Kim Walker is singing to me right now and that makes it even more wonderful.

Happy Birthday to my mom on Thursday! I Love you Mom--take it easy on your day.
Shout out to Dad--Sorry I haven't gotten back to you! A lot has kept me busy but no excuses I will call you this week!! Love you Dad.

I can't wait to deliver babies. But right here, right now-this is where I need to be. The Lord needed to deal with me before he gave the ok to go out on other Adventures. He knows what he's doing and I'm extremely grateful that HE does cause I sure don't.

More to come soon.

2009-10-07T18:43:00.000-07:00

Please check out this blog: IJMInstitute.org. It's all about saving human Trafficking victims. These people are not fooling around-they are getting in there and saving people who are being trafficked and sold for sex slavery--it is such a COOL movement. There are ways.. Lord help us find your children who are being abducted and abused and SOLD.

It's hard to fully trust God.

I'm getting there.

Today I was tired.

Today was a good day.

2009-10-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

PRAY for precious Taylor. She is scheduled to have open heart surgery this month. Pray for healing and safety. Pray that her little heart would grow bigger and that her little lungs would continue to pump air to her little heart. Sweet girl.

A vision of things to come? Yes.. in the home that will some day be mine to fill with wonderful treasures.

Do you not love these pants?

I do.

Dear World.. I love living on you. I hope to travel you. Aren't you glad that the Lord created you? I am.

You are on my heart dear friends.

My dad took me to Williamsburg on the way to bringing me to North Carolina <3.>

nope.

not quite.

there it is!

LOVE.

Thank you Hillsong and Aaron Espe. Your music has delighted my ears this week.

Why am I blogging? I have a l o n g list of things that need to be done.

North Carolina.

2009-09-29T18:51:00.000-07:00

I'm here! I'm here! Currently residing at the Blakney House, property of YWAM-Charlotte with the new address of:

418 Franklin Street

Monroe, NC 28112!

I really like it here! We're not sure what our outreach country will be. I live in an old, huge, wonderful mansion. it has 4 floors, including basement and attic. My work duty is hospitality and housekeeping-there is a lot of house to keep people! but it is good for me. Mornings are chilly, afternoons are warm. I live in a room with four triple bunk beds that are all full of girls. Only three beds are empty.. don't worry-the room is BIG :). I LOVE class. I'm enjoying and getting to know my new friends/housemates. Salvation army is visible from my front porch. My days are full and sleep is sound. We go to the gym three times a week.. and I feel the burn. With DTS combined with the WISE school there are 12 girls and 1 guy. Poor Joseph! Haha-he loves it.

What I've learned so far:

YWAM is a program of growth.

YWAM is a place of learning.

who you are.

even if you think you know.

you don't yet.

YWAM is a place of encouragement.

YWAM is an opportunity to love other people.

to serve other people.

Put all the YWAMer's together and you've got hundreds of thousands of people.

Youth With A Mission.. literally-we're on a mission.

for this house.

for this neighborhood.

for our outreach country.

for the world.

I am now a YWAMer.

I am now a part of a huge movement.

I think that's pretty sweet.

Where I live-The Blakney House!

Sara, Lindsay, Crystal, Cassie, Stephanie, Whitney and Kenza-DTS students.

More to come...

2009-09-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

I'm a bridesmaid! Here I am with my good friend Elf looking at Wedding dresses. I'm glad we were able to go before I leave for North Carolina.

The Beautiful Bride!

On Labor Day Mom, Meg, Kyle and I went to Wildwood, NJ for the day. I miss you beach.

Here is my small group minus Bryan and Erica.. and Ben's head. Sorry Ben! Love these guys.

Via skype, I talk regularly with my best friend Sarah, who is in Mexico. She is taking some classes there and just started teaching english to 5th and 6th graders! I'm leaving for North Carolina on her birthday-I'll definitely be thinking of you Red.

The summer is winding down. I have one short week left in Pennsylvania. UNREAL. Mowing, babysitting, cleaning and selling produce-that has been my summer. O and of course hanging out with my friends in every little crevice in between (those crevices are usually wee hours in the morning).

-My polaroid camera works! I'm dying for new film-but its so expensive!

-I have my wisdom teeth pulled about 3 weeks ago.. I now have a new appreciation for FOOD.

-I am more excited than nervous about leaving for YWAM. I think that is a good sign.

-I miss Texas.

Fall is coming and it is my favorite.

2009-09-02T10:42:00.000-07:00

I love you brown.

A look inside Lindsay's head..

2009-08-12T18:41:00.000-07:00

2009-08-06T12:26:00.000-07:00

Sooooo.. My last post was pointless because I got my hair cut.

2009-07-29T00:03:00.000-07:00

Growth! I now have a fully functioning pony tail.. it's mini-oh but it's there.

-I have officially been accepted to YWAM!

-I have avoided serious injury twice in the past two weeks. (I give all the credit to Jesus.)

-After bagging some things for a customer today at market I asked if he would like any thing else.. His answer was "Well.. I've been getting things slowly." ??? Yes? No? okaybye.

-I'm half way through the book of Job and it's intense. 20 chapters in a row of him arguing with his friends!

-When my allergies kick in I rub my eyes till they burn.. probably not a good idea.

-If I tried reeeeeeally hard I think I could be a morning person.. maybe.

-I hate the fact that I read more than one book at a time and rarely finish them. Why not just read one and finish it?! Wow.. yea, Linds c'mon.

-I have some pretty awesome friends. Going from spending every waking minute with them to not seeing their faces for 3 months will be dang hard.

Lance comes home in a few hours. My best friend Sarah leaves for Mexico in a few hours. Tonight will be a good night.

2009-07-27T00:34:00.000-07:00

-I'm in love with the newest Hillsong CD. They are so anointed.

-I've got a pretty steady weekly routine going.. but my room is always a mess and I never fully unpacked.

-I forgot how much garage sales make me excited.

-I started running. Nothing major, maybe twice a week.

-Friends are a pretty vital part of my summer. I've made some new ones: Ben, Cub, John and Bekah. They're made of green tea and campfires.

-The need for change is growing stronger in me. I don't like knowing what to expect. Not with everything. So far this summer has kind of caught me off guard which I enjoy. I know the next two years will be like that also. Bring it on!

-I can't fall asleep before midnight easily.

-My favorite color is still yellow.

2009-07-22T00:24:00.000-07:00

One thing I love about summer is squeezing as much time as possible out of life. Here I sit at 3:30 am.. for the second night in a row. My day was completely full (minus the rare three hour nap I had this afternoon ;) .. and tomorrow will be busy again- yet I just had to drink that cup of coffee from wawa at .. oh ya know - 11:30pm!!! chuckle chuckle.. have I mentioned how I love summer?

Do you have a best friend? Well, I have two. And they both have the same name.. Sarah. You could also call them red and brown according to their hair colors. I love our dynamic. First of all we've got Sarah Maher (aka brown): Loud, passionate, beautiful, all-or-nothing, hilarious, life of the party. Then we've got Sarah Kuert (aka red): Steady, smart, captivating, caring, fun-loving, dreamer. Then there's me.. you can come up with six words to describe me on your own time. Anyway.. The thing about Sarah, Sarah and me is that ever since junior year of high school we have all, or at least two of us been together. Together meaning living in the same state. When brown moved to TX, red and I had one more year of high school. Then I moved to TX with brown and red started college at Eastern. Then brown moved back to PA with red and I was still in TX. So.. we've all kind of had our little seasons alone and seasons with each other. And this summer we have all reunited in one state. IT IS AWESOME. But come this fall.. we shall all be apart. I will be in North Carolina, red will be in Mexico and brown will be in China. How exciting that we're all moving on at the same time each in a different country! Our next meeting will be so gloriously full of adventures to tell and stories to be remembered and new memories to be made.. I will miss them tremendously; but it is good.

2009-07-13T13:31:00.001-07:00

The weeks are going by so fast! I'm having a great summer so far. Working on the weekends.. late nights with friends.. sharing a room with my sister.. trying hard to be disciplined with my money. I just keep thinking what would Dave Ramsey do? :) It's good to be around family. It's crazy how they're all so supportive; I feel really blessed.

Adventures I've been on lately:

-Cliff jumpin at the Quarry in Maryland!

-Camping!

-Sail boating!

-Browsing through the vintage shopes on Queen Street! (wanting it ALL.)

I miss these guys. I'm sad being away from them..

My newest treasure is a world globe given to my by Jubilee :) I LOVE looking at where I will be come January 2010.. and picturing where I'll go after that.

It is now shower time! And then I will try my best to plan/structure another busy week to come. I love summer.

2009-07-05T22:22:00.001-07:00

Some pictures for your enjoyment! Lance and me towards the beginning of our road trip.

Three generations: Grandma Lantz, Mom and me.

I finally met my newest cousin Paisley!

I also met my grandparents goat Henry. My dad loves showing him off!

I went sailing with my best friends in the world. Sarah and Sarah

Here we are with our SNARK! .. we're pro's now.

I'm doing well-glad to be home. God is so good. He's provided a great job for me this summer working at market for Doug and Mandi. He got my car all the way to PA from TX in one piece! He's given me family and friends that love me.. He's just so good. Thank you Lord for another day.

Lance and Linds.

2009-06-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

Hello! This is my very first post from Pennsylvania! Here is a little video of Lance and me on our drive up to PA last week. We filmed about the last 30 minutes or so of our drive; but don't worry this is a shortened version. You should turn your volume down because it's super loud.. sorry about that. I miss you already brother!

San Antonio.

2009-06-14T21:49:00.001-07:00

As a going away gift, Buddy and Chelle took me and those in our small group who could make it to San Antonio for the weekend! We left Saturday morning, checked into the hotel around 4, took a swim in the pool, got all dressed up and fancy and then headed out to the river walk for dinner. I had duck for the first time and it was delicious! Here are some pics of the river walk.. so beautiful! I loved eating by the river with boats passing by and tons of people walking.

Here are some restaurants all lit up at night.

Aunt Janelle-you would have loved it! You must go to San Antonio sometime!!

Lance and me lookin all nice.

Mmmm.. mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Cute and Happy!

Cute and VERY happy!

All dressed up for a night out on the River Walk.

After a full belly and some ice cream to top it off we went back to the hotel for some cards and sleep. It isn't a weekend away without CARDS!

Lance and Me after a full day of driving, walking and ice cream at 9 p.m.

Wakey, wakey eggs'n bakey!! Getting ready for the Alamo the next day.

Breakfast! IHOP first thing in the morning makes me immensely happy.

The ones who made it all happen. Thanks guys!!!

We visited a Mission, a fun market and the Alamo. The old buildings were beautifully made and cool to explore and look at.

Lance, Elizabeth, Ben, Caden and Me!

This is me in front one of the rooms on a mission. This was where Missionaries brought Native Americans. They were trying to save them because they were dying of diseases and being captured by bandits.. but really all they did was take away their freedom and tried to conform them. They ended up dying in the missions of disease anyway.. so sad.

Remember the Alamo!

2009-06-07T23:39:00.000-07:00

Two weeks till i depart for Pennsylvania!

I've never ever had the feeling of such excitement mixed with a perfectly equal amount of very real sadness. I really don't know what to do. im rejoicing at moving forward but also relishing what precious little time is left in texas. i don't like this.. i just want to stay or go.. this in between time is killing me.

What floats around inside the mind of lindsay beiler..

2009-06-01T21:10:00.000-07:00

2009-05-28T22:54:00.000-07:00

There are moments when you feel life isn't worth living.. There are other moments that are the exact opposite. The feeling of utter importance and divine privilege.. not really for anything in particular.. just being, breathing, living, doing exactly what you're doing and knowing it's right. Right now.. I am overwhelmed with that feeling.

The song says it all.. thanks Aunt J.

2009-05-23T20:48:00.001-07:00

This post is designed

for you to forget what

you need to be doing at

this very moment..

Loosen up..

Take a break..

Don't worry bout it..

Pick your favorite song from

my playlist to the right and..

DANCE!

Shwhite Shrhino

2009-05-19T16:09:00.000-07:00

I'm at the white rhino coffee house at the current moment and the best part is that i rode my bike here. :) And already something worth blogging about has happened. A lady walked in as I was uploading my picture and had pre-ordered something so the cashier asked what her last name was. Wanna know what it was? L'fleur. If you're reading this and watch the show LOST then you'll appreciate that. I looked around the room to see if there were any other LOST lovers.. but no one seemed to notice. I wish someone else would have, we could have shared a moment and talked about the season finale and how it blew my mind. Speaking of LOST, if you ever want to hear really cool theories about that show you should go to Bryan Allains blog. He's got it down.

adding sh to the front of words is really fun.. go ahead-try it.

2009-05-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

I've come across a few freakin sweet vintage blogs. I will share them with you:

SallyJaneVintage.

Bohemian Vintage.

Liebemarlene Vintage.

I'm obsessed!

-Whenever I'm in Barns and Noble I always end up in the journal section.. It's the refrigerator and I'm a magnet.

-I have ten shirts in the same color. TEN. How did this happen?!? Fortunately the color is cream.. so it goes with a lot, but I truly am ashamed.

-Whenever I wear a scarf around my head I say it's because I'm having a bad hair day.. but really I secretly pretend I'm a pirate.

Do you do normal things with secret motives??

2009-05-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

I went with my friend Randi to see our other friend Laura Allen play at White Rock Coffee Shop last night.. She, Kristian and Johnna were great! Laura's voice is so peaceful. check out her new CD, Walk With Me, on iTunes or go to her website!!

-First fire ant bite of the summer and it sucks.

-Cai has a pajama shirt with a robot on it and i covet it daily.

-I crack my knuckles endlessly.. I'm always doing something with my fingers.

-Percussion.. I want to start hitting, banging and shaking things more often.

-I organize the dirty dishes in the sink before I put them in the dishwasher.

What are some weird things that you do but don't know why on earth you do them??

2009-05-12T06:19:00.001-07:00

I didn't mean for my last post to be so long; here is the TWLOHA link again. You should click it. To Write Love on Her Arms is a non profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery. Take a look at their shirts-buying one would be a cool way to help support and get the word out there.

Whenever I start the process of putting shoes and socks on Caden I always wonder weather it would be best to put both socks on first.. or if I should fully cover one foot with both a shoe and a sock and then do the next. I always envision us having to make a super fast getaway right at that moment.. so I think it would be better for his one foot to be properly dressed rather than both feet to only have socks.. Oh the thinks I think..

The vision is hope and hope is real; What I heard was "snake" and the snake was real.

2009-05-09T14:07:00.000-07:00

So on Friday I took Caden and Cai to what we call "The Narnia Park." It's this great park that has a nice sized pond with a patch of woods to the left filled with walking trails. If you follow the path right you'll end up at this fun playground. We park at the pond then walk a quarter mile or so to the playground. We pretend that we're in Narnia.. it's so fun! It even has a lamp post. We visit Mr. Tumnus.. fight the White Whitch and they always take an awesome nap when we get home. Wellllllll.. this past time while in Narnia I encountered a snake. Say goodbye to Narnia boys!!

Ok.. so the truth is I didn't actually "encounter" the snake at all. We were on our way back to the car and a passerby warned us that he had seen a snake by the pond. Well.. ya know sometimes when you're talking to someone and they only hear certain parts of what your saying? Yes.. so the only part that I heard was "seen a snake." You mention my biggest fear.. or worse that it is in the general vicinity and I become a completely different person. Clouded by fear.. not thinking logically I took the boys around the entire development that surrounds the park to avoid the snake, all the while breathing heavily having visions of snakes creeping from the woods. All this anxiety over one tiny little reptile that is as scared of me as I am of it. Anyway so here we are walking on the sidewalk when I decide to take a shortcut and walk across some rocks that go over the pond close to where the car is parked. Surely the guy saw the snake in the actual woods, not by the pond where there is more noise and is closer to cars (If you remember back to the part where all I heard was "seen a snake" you'll realize that the guy had said "seen a snake by the pond," the same pond we were about to cross). We start the trek and there under one of the last rocks is THE SNAKE. So from my lack of listening and extra dose of fear I took us around the woods to "avoid" the snake while actually leading us straight to it. All I saw was the green, pointed, slimy tail and even to this moment.. cringe to the point of tears. It's sick I know.. I wish I could rid myself of this fear. The whole time Caden kept saying "Let's go defeat the snake!" Im just glad this silly fear hasn't rubbed off on him. So I saw the snake tail.. almost peed myself, ran for my life while holding Cai in my arms and pulling Caden by the hand.. I must have been really funny to watch. I wonder what's going to happen when Im in Australia.. home of some poisonous crazy snakes. Oh no! What about India.. with those cobras who dance in baskets?! Or Africa.. O my anaconda! Lord.. please help me.

So I leave you with this.

To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA). take a look for yourself- ready.. go. by the way.. this link has nothing to do with snakes.

Paint the World again.

2009-05-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

Nifty Difty Hat.

2009-05-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

I find that when I study with a hat on.. it makes me feel like I retain the info better. Like it all gets stored inside the hat and seeps into my brian. So tomorrow during my lab practical I will wear my super-duper, knowledge-sustaining, information-recollecting, carrier-of-important-things-needed-to-be-known-in-order-to-pass hat.

tonight's studyin playlist:

-Keane-Hopes and Fears

-Beirut-Lon Gisland EP

-Mutemath-Mutemath & Reset EP

check em out.

oh and please watch this.

2009-05-01T19:17:00.000-07:00

-I now have a new cousin. Her name is Paisley <3

-This semester is almost over- Which means movies, sleep, bike riding, relaxing. But also means I wont see the friends that I made in class :(. We have lots of fun together in lecture and lab. But before any of that my life for the next week will be late-nights full of STUDYING. I can do it!! Get the coffee brewing and mae playing and I'll be all set.

-Lately I fantasize about living in Australia.. man I can't wait.

-There is a big bug flying around my room.

-My mom heads back to Pennsylvania tomorrow morning :(

-Playlist to and from the airport : take a wild guess.

whatismae.com

2009-04-29T16:12:00.000-07:00

So- one of my favorite bands, MAE (The band who's show I went to and got pics with last post) is doing a really sweet project this year. They're coming out with a song a month and the songs are available for purchase on their website here.

The really sweet part is that 100% of the proceeds from the purchase of these 12 songs will go to habitat for humanity. They are helping to build and fund a home for a single mother and her three kids!! They're also looking into other charities to help out. You need to listen to their new songs. A Melody, The Memory and Day/Night are my favorites right now. I think it's awesome that MAE is doing something for the community. It's doubly better because their music is actually good. It's like buying Tom's shoes- you get cool shoes and your helping others! I think you should check out their music, any of it. Old, new-it's ALL good.

Mae is currently touring right now with three other bands. Tokyo, Barcelona, and Person L. Check em out!

Lindsay's way of persuading you to check out mae:

1) They rocked out the show on Saturday! Best live band I've ever seen. Thats a pretty huge deal cause playing live is a difficult task. I've seen some bands that sound good on their CD's but suck live and its a bummer.. Mae was sensational.

2) They're super nice and always come out after their shows to talk and get pictures. They even shared snacks with Ashley and I! o haha..

3) If you go to their website, you'll see that they are making a huge impact on others to make a difference in their community; and ultimately to make the world a better place.

4) They're music is.. um, well you should just listen to my playlist here on the blog. Once you've listened you'll realize that they're music is fantastic. NOW-check them out on itunes and whatismae.com. Buy the songs, help habitat for humanity, enjoy their music, be inspired.

DO IT.

**correction. my favorite song right now is The House That Fire Built.

mae

2009-04-26T16:49:00.000-07:00

This weekend was THE best. Thursday was my birthday-lance came over and watched the boys and then took us out to lunch!! He is also taking me shopping this week-such a good brother. Saturday I took my exam first thing in the morning and feel like I really knew the info and did well! I'm very excited about it. I'll find out my grade today!! After my exam, Chelle took me to get pedicures and out to eat!! Pink zebra striped toes-Oh yea baby. THEN- Ashley and I went to see Mae at the Door in Dallas. THEY WERE SO GOOD. Please, please, please if you ever get the chance-see mae live. They will blow your mind. They're doing a really cool thing this year and every month or so they come out with a new single and have it available on line to purchase. 100% of the proceeds are going to habitat for humanity. They've raised over 30,000 dollars already! Very cool mae, very cool. They had an acoustic set after the show and ah-it was amazing.

Sunday I went to the Renaissance Fair with my small group. I know- super fun filled weekend!! I so wish I had dressed up-haha! The costumes were really cool-I love stuff like that. When I got home from the fair some of my friends came over and sang to me and we had berfday cake that chelle made-Yum! And THEN my mom walked in the door! And do you know what?? I totally suspected that she might come. I should trust my instincts more. If you want the full story just ask and I'll tell you how I knew-cause I so did. SCORE! But Lance didn't know and when he walked in the door to her here it was so cute!! He said "HOLY CRAP! Mom, you're in Texas!" love it.

My toesies:

Pic's from the Ren. Fair:

The mask shop was so cool!

The Watt's family-so cute!

HA!

Blake and Lance hugging the dead guy.

Erika and I-she won haha..

The tree man! You knew there was a guy in there.. but it was freaky.

Pic's from the Mae concert:

Jacob-the drummer of Mae.

Robert-the pianist of Mae. He gave us free snax-really funny story-ask me about it.

Jacob the drummer of Mae.

Zach the guitarist of Mae.

Dave the singer and guitarist of Mae.

haha. i was excited.

I'm trying.

2009-04-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm finding every possible thing to do but study. Usually by now I start freaking out cause I only have one more night.. but I'm very calm, which is and improvement-but not a good reason not to study. So now since I literally can not waste any more time, I am off to hit the books. I came up with this clever little whatever it's called i forget:

S-stupid

T-task

U-u

D-definitely

Y-yell

(A)-about

I had to add an extra letter lol! Can anyone come up with a better one? Can anyone tell me what those things are called?

The new celly I got from my parents for my birthday! love it-thanks!!

Lance made my birthday the best ever!! Thanks bro-love you.

2009-04-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

I'm 20!

Happy Birthday to ME?

Ohh! Why Thank You.

Bit of a vent Post.

2009-04-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

Feeling so anxious about my exam. don't want to be studying on my birthday week. tired of people who aren't encouraging. they suck the life out of you. they're dumb.

bit of a vent post.

i would love to go to a vintage store right now. i need some lancaster, pa loving. queen street specifically. i miss my best friends. they know me.. the real lindsay. they would know what to say right now to make me feel better.

still very much enjoying my work and school and people im in relationship with. there's just those few people that i encounter every once in a while that make me want to.. give them a big wedgie or something.

on the plus side-meg got me a pair of toms for my birthday!! click here to go to the toms website. i got university red rope sole. thanks meggy!

Can't Sleep.

2009-04-19T22:48:00.000-07:00

It's almost 1am and I can't sleep. Rrrr. So-here are some recent and random pictures. Right now I'm listening to Keane-please check them out. They're and British band composed of a singer, pianist and drummer. very good. My birthday is this thursday!! Taking an exam on Saturday morning. Going to see Mae on Saturday evening with my good friend Ashley. Should be a half and half saturday. first half bad, second half good. I'll be glad when my exam is over and done with. I've never seen Mae live but I know they will be good. Going to the Renaissance Fair on Sunday!! Woop woop. kinda wanna dress up hah..

A nice picture of the Texan and American Flags outside of El Centro Community College.

Lance and I are just.. really cool okay. Don't try to beat us.

Easter Sunday's Easter Egg Hunt!

Baby Evie! She is soo sweet. Her full name is Evangeline Quinn Carcich. Very cute.

Um-best cardigan ever? yes. My birthday is on THURSDAY, hint hint ;)

Now off to dream land.. hopefully.

-Linds, winds, minds, ninds, pinds

2009-04-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

In case you ever doubted that someone could look very normal in one picture and quite like a duck in the next-here you go. I tell you, I don't know how these faces come about.. but I love making them. It's fun to make them at little kids. They either crack up laughing or run away crying.. sad i know. Torturous even, but I feel blessed to have the unique gift of screwing up my face to look like a complete idiot. It's fun. Maybe.. if you're lucky, I'll post my joker face on here someday. Maybe.

2009-04-11T13:55:00.000-07:00

Driking some iced green tea at Panera! delicious!

I stuffed almost 400 eggs last night with my friend Erika. It was fun! Our church is having a big easter egg hunt tomorrow followed by a fun game of ultimate frisbee, so we were stuffing away. I'm going to miss my family tomorrow, I always do during holidays but it'll be a good day hanging out with my church family. Im so thankful for them! My mom sent me and Lance a package with easter yummies in it.. o man-she's amazing! Her home made peanut butter eggs, a humungous milk chocolate easter bunny, some gummy eggs and a little stuffed toad from the childrens books frog and toad, how cute! Thanks Mommy-you're the best.

Happy Easter Everyone!

As you're sitting here reading this.. I'm biting into my sourdough bread bowl and each time I do-I feel like my left front tooth is going to fall right off. That would be very unfortunate but not unlikely because it's fallen off three times before. So, if the next time you see me and my tooth is gone, you will know when and where and how it happened and I wont have to go through the whole story.

Slumdog.

2009-04-05T21:55:00.001-07:00

"Greater things are yet to come, Greater things are still to be done in this city." -God of this City by Chris Tomlin

My new favorite song and current listen for the weekend. ^^

I saw slumdog millionaire. O my gosh.. better than I expected. PLEASE see it. It's rated R but there is no sexual content and very few curse words but you can't even understand them. It displays the slums of India in such a real way.. I've never been there but I feel like I have. India is so proud of Slumdog. You should have seen the cast during the Oscars! They didn't expect the movie to win anything so every time they won a nomination they would freak out and be so genuinely happy! I'm so excited to be going there someday. There is such culture.. so much to learn. Such a different life that they live. I would feel so privileged to be there. So lucky.. to experience life outside of my little work and school bubble.

What a fun weekend I had! Buddy and Chelle got to have a weekend away! They went to San Antonio from Friday afternoon till late tonight; which means that I hung out with Caden and Cai all weekend :). The weekend went fast.. Caden had a t-ball game, we made yummy snacks, jumped on the trampoline, I took them to the Candy Story and got them Sugared up, watched cartoons in the mornings, took looong naps in the afternoons, and went to church tonight. I'm telling you people.. these kids are so much fun. They bring such fun energy. I'm so sad for when I have to say goodbye to the Watts family :(. Being here for the past two years has been so good for me. I've learned the bitter sweet truths about being in charge of little lives.. and how whenever it's my time to be a parent it will be a real job not just a responsibility. I'll admit it's nice to be able to give them back at the end of the day and drive off into the sunset with my music loud and my cup of coffee.. but what a blast it will be when I have my own kids; I'll be ready.

Caden!

Cai!

2009-04-02T15:11:00.001-07:00

I had sushi for the first last weekend! I love it!

Mmm.. I could eat eggs alllll dayyyy longgggg. hard boiled, scrambled, dippy.. the incredible edible egg! Last week I fasted and Jesus is so faithful! Ask me about it. So.. Since I fasted last week this past Monday was the first time I've had coffee in a week and a half. I went to school like any other Monday- Left at 2, music the WHOLE ride there, dancing in the car.. people staring. (on more than one occasion people that I know have pulled up next to me and laughed at me dancing). Aaaaanyway-the first day I've had coffee in a week and a half and I was ca-razy! I took three pages of notes when I normally only take maybe half a page.. I was asking my professor all sorts questions.. Usually I'm almost dozing off mid-lecture! Then I had lab and I stayed late after to finish up my lab report.. haha.. I'm always out of there as soon as possible cause I'm so tired.

So-I've decided to only drink coffee on Mondays and Wednesdays hahaha!

This week went fast. Had some late nights studying with Chelle. We always put Pride and Prejudice on as background noise and look up for the best parts. Best parts would be 1- the first time Mr. Darcey sees Elizabeth.. he does a double take. 2- When Mr. Darcey helps Elizabeth into the carriage and she's so surprised. 3-when they see each other at Lady Catherine de Bourg's home 4- the gazebo proposal. 5- when they see each other at Pemberly. 6- when she finds out he fixes Lydia's scandal and Jane's happiness with Bingley. 7-the very end.. sigh.

Wow.. that's kind of a lot of favorite parts. But ah.. it's a wonderful book and movie.

off to hit the books!

Picture Time!

2009-03-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from the month of March. Some in Texas, some in Pennsylvania. Enjoy!

Meg's Show, Anything Goes, was incredible! She did a really great job. I had so much fun both times I saw it. Broadway next Meg??

Bowling with some friends! We went to the White Rhino, Bowling Alley, then out for ice cream :) (TX)

Me exhausted after playing ultimate frisbee with my small group. Our ultimate frisbee team is no joke yo! (TX)

A little bike ride to the park.

Happy 2nd Birthday Cai! March 1st

Beautiful Day

2009-03-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

Hello!!

Soooo.. whew! What a weekend I had in PA-so fun. Meg's show was hilarious and she did amazing. GO MEG! got to hang out with my family and best friends. it flew by so fast! I am now back in Texas still on spring break and LOVING IT. I took a bike ride yesterday to the bank, white rhino coffee shop, little antique store, library. It was the perfect day for a bike ride.. but today my butt hurts a bit HA! I'll have some pictures up by next post.

The YWAM Perth thing is still so exciting and what I want to do! But i do have to complete a five DTS first. So I'll have to wait until next summer to enter. I was so prepared to raise money, pack up and leave for Australia in three months! so to have to wait a whole year is kind of torturous for me.. haha. prayers would be appreciated! Pray for timing. Before this whole YWAM Perth thing came up I was about to enter nursing school. Two more years and I could have my associates RN degree! or in two more years i could have a DTS and Birth Attendant School completed. Which one should I do first Lord? Would it be wise to finish school and go the Perth with more understanding and knowledge about the human body? Will I be given all I need there? Will I have the will to finish school after Perth or just want to jump into ministry and forget school? wisdom.. wisdom.

Pictures coming soon!

2009-03-12T08:14:00.001-07:00

http://www.ywamperth.org.au/bas/?description

c'mon jesus!

MUTEMATH.

2009-02-28T21:15:00.000-08:00

i so badly want to see slumdog millionaire. i've heard only good things about it. it's is filmed in the slums of India. i think the movie intrigues me so much cause lately i've been thinking about India and possibly going there. wouldn't that be incredible??

mutemath might be my favorite band. if you never have, please listen to everything and anything that mutemath has done.

right now im feeling sad cause i just realized that i havent been taking pictures lately. my poor camera just rides around in my purse.. and that's been the extent of it's life for about the past month. i'm going to change that.

a shout-out to aunt jan and aunt janelle: ummmm, you guys are awesome. thanks for continually checking out my blog and leaving auntie-ish comments cause i love them! i get really excited when i think about the next time i'll see you guys.. which will be two weeks if you come to megs show on saturday, march 14th!!

2009-02-24T06:40:00.000-08:00

I got this book for Christmas from one of my besty best friends Sarah Maher. Its called Jim Henson's Doodle Dreams and it is spectacular. Jim Henson had such a cool job! the muppets and seseame street were two of my favorites as a kid... and uh.. still are, cough cough.. ahem, here are two quotes that caught my attention as i read through it again yesterday:

"You are where you are because that's where you need to be. And if you need to move on, you'll move on."

"Being afraid isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes you need that trembling feeling to remind you how exciting it is to be doing something new."

Im so very excited to be moving to something new next semester.. but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared too. Am I really going to leave Texas? I've been here for two years and it's been great! I feel established and loved here. But I think without that scared, moving on feeling life would be so boring. If everywhere is comfortable then you don't grow. Living in Texas has made me grow-how cool! Now on to new growth! (insert excited facial expression). But where?!?!?!?!

Cai pooped green today. ga-ross.

Holy Cannoli it's Mid-February!

2009-02-14T23:03:00.000-08:00

quick update:

first exam on monday- a little nervous, but feel prepared and ready to see how i'll do.

my Valentines day was awesome!- i went out with some single friends from my church. we played whirley ball (a cross between bumper cars and lacrosse-so stinkin fun!), went out to bucca di bepos and then starbucks for coffee!

my hair is growing!!- im very thrilled about this. im ready for it to be shoulder length for a while so that i can chop it again :)

im starting to re-realize how simple things make me happy. like getting chocolate from chelle on valentines day; or not needing to wear gobs of makeup to feel pretty. simplicity brings with it a freeing feeling. some things are so simple in this life.. others are not. like one of my best friends sarah-her sister Lauren is pregnant and has just found out that the baby she is carrying has a rare disease called Icell Disease- it's life threatening. Lauren and her husband John's second daughter Allie, who is going to be 2 this summer, also has Icell Disease and was recently in the hospital with an infection. They are believing God for a miracle for their precious daughters. I've had the privilege of getting to know Sarah's family and they are like family to me now- i love them so much and just want to see their little girls healthy and safe. would you please pray for them with me??

I know Jesus is holding them.

Just Getting Started.

2009-02-10T10:54:00.000-08:00

this is my first post! so exciting.

i thought it would be a good idea to start a blog. i already have a myspace, facebook and twitter-ha.. but this is a more linear way to share stories, pictures and my life with everyone! i love looking at other peoples blogs and knowing what is going on in their lives-i hope you enjoy mine!

right now im living in Cedar Hill, Texas. i love it. most of my time is spent hanging out with the boys i nanny for-caden and cai. i have so much fun with those two crazies! i take classes at El Centro Community College and really enjoy that. there's this really sweet coffee shop that i ride my bike to sometimes. its called the white rhino-its like something you'd see in a movie; it's very inviting and cozy. down town dallas is fun-i like the west village. there is a cute indie movie theatre there and expensive stores. and the trolley! free trolley rides to the art museum. i've been to the symphony with some friends that i've made here. i've been to a few humungo churches but the church that im a part of is a very small tight nit group of people-i love them! salvation army-im a regular there. i hang out with lance often. i so enjoy that. not sure what i would do with out him here!

after this semester i will return to Pennsylvania for the summer! and after that.. the adventure continues. where? good question. i will continue with school-my desire is to get out of the U.S. but i do want the option of coming back to my roots, so graduation from an American college will be necessary if i ever want to work as a nurse in the states.

im excited about life.

*True Love: Phil Wickham